I saw the teardrops, and I heard you cry
All you need is time, seek me and you shall find
…
I’ll be your cloud up in the sky
I’ll be your shoulder when you cry
I’ll hear your voices when you call me
I am your angel
And when all hope is gone, I’m here
No matter how far you are, I’m near
It makes no difference who you are
I am your angel
I’m your angel

I believe in you.

I went for a lovely kinky evening out to one of my favourite places and I decided to get dressed up in this amazing corset/boustier. Do you like it?

It makes me feel so confident in my sexy little mini skirt.

As you can see, it makes me feel very in control.  Can’t you just imagine saying…  Yes mistress?

What do you think about the lips?  I wanted to go for the come hither red lip…  Mission accomplished?

My eye makeup is very intricate and it’s something that I love to do to take my outfit up a notch and give it a slightly softer look at the same time.  Playing with makeup always makes me feel so sexy.

The little dots around the eye makes me feel like everyone’s attention automatically draws up to my gaze.  The rest is just decoration…  But the true Dominance, the true connection comes right from my eyes.

Duct tape pasties!  It’s from a fetish event and it felt painful, but kind of good to rip off the tape.  Kinky!

This is one of my favourite poses.  It shows off my butt, all ready to be spanked.  I love being topless lately.  I think my little breasts are so sexy and perfect.  I also love my boots.  The chunky stacked heel makes me feel like a hot babe from the 70s.

More sexy boots, this time a little less chunky in the heel.  I love wearing red, especially when it matches my nails.  Also, my kitty!  Miaou!  =^^=

This is a little bit older, with the darer hair.  This bra is one of my favourites.  The little bow, the ribbon trim…  It always makes me feel like a sexy little doll.

Lastly, I love my black jeans.  Topless, long hair and showing off how great the jeans make my butt look.  Hmmmm…

Which one is your favourite?

I went to a sexy, wonderful and kinky friend’s party recently and I decided to dress up in a really hot gothic look.  Do you like my boots and fishnets?

I’m wearing a lot of heavy makeup to really bring out my eyes and lips…  I love making them look big and alluring.

I was wearing my black underbust support/corset so it put my sexy little breasts on full display!

You get to see a bit of my home, too.  ^^

A sexy gothic look always makes me feel a little brooding.

My outfit was a big hit and I had a lot of fun!

About Sex

or

About Love

Let’s talk about love, baby.

Roots of Emotions

I went for a tea the other day and I had an interesting conversation with myself.

Tell me.
How come we can talk about sex and passion with someone so freely but when it comes to love, it’s like starting drama?

Love.

Isn’t it the most precious thing in life? We all are borne by the love of our parents. (Stating here the general way it’s supposed to be…) We all grew up with their love as well. And as teenagers, we all fell in love with someone and with all the strength we had, we told that special someone our love. It was so natural to confess our love at that age.

Then came the first break up. We all thought at that time: I will never love anybody again. I just can’t.

But then time passed. We met someone else. We grew up together and became adults. And then comes the real break up. After a couple of years together, we faced the truth that the relationship could not continue any more.

After that one, we don’t think we can’t love, but we think: I don’t want to love anybody again. Because I am afraid of the pain.

Ah! Is that so?

We don’t fear love but we fear the pain related to love. So we close our heart and start having sex buddies instead of a girlfriend/boyfriend.

But let me tell you something:  If you live on fear, chances are you will miss experiences that could have changed your whole life. I know this sounds big. But it can be big!

Seriously. To not let yourself go into love is something that could make your life much harder than breaking up with someone.

Let’s say you are dating someone. It’s been a while since you started seeing each other. You are more than fuckbuddies but you don’t show your feelings. Everything is fine, you’re enjoying the time you spend together. And then, you start to feel something more deep inside. It’s love. And you finally take all your courage and tell that person: I love you. And you can see in his face the expression telling you: Oh lord! Why now? Hadn’t we agreed on a lovers relationship with no commitment?

Why do people react like that?

Simple.

Because people forget that everything evolves. Day by day. Our feelings do not stay behind. They evolve too! But they forget.

The real question is: What is wrong with that?

They are afraid of getting there too. To be facing it. To have to be more involved. To feel responsible for someone.

Let me ask you something:

Is there a law somewhere, that states that when we are in love, we have to be responsible for each other?

There is no law like that. You are only responsible for yourself. And at least, the only responsibility you really have is to respect yourself and the other person. But we were taught otherwise. You love, you have to care about the other as if they were yourself. It is not love. To love is to love what the person is. To love what you share with that person. To play in the field of responsibility is to play in another field.

Love is unconditional. You are not waiting for the other person to be happy or something else you wish to have. If you wait, it’s not love, it is dependency. It’s to think that to be happy, you have to rely on someone else. But love is to accept things and people as they are and not waiting for them to make you happy.

I think it’s easier than we think. But when it comes to accept things as they are, most people don’t know how to deal with that.

I had a hard time with that as well. I wanted to change the people in my life so much. And you know what? Sometimes I succeeded, sometimes not. And in other cases, some changed only when I broke up with them. My help and advice made their way with time. But guess what works faster? Not trying to change people. Instead of that, I give love and compassion. I talk about my experiences and if it touch someone, well that’s perfect. If not, it’s not a problem. Maybe one day it will pop up again.

When you love someone, you don’t have to carry the weight of that person. You are just walking side by side and evolving together until you are done. It will maybe last few days, weeks, months or years. Or maybe it will last forever but not always as how it begins. To love is to accept that relationships evolve. And evolving includes that you may break up. You may hook up. But in the end you have shared love, which has helped both of you to grow.

But well, I know that my perception is not the general perception in our society and it’s correct. It is only my experience and what I think about relationships… and love!

You do not trifle with love,
We are often deceived in love,
frequently injured and often unhappy,
but we love,
And when we are on the brink of the grave,
we turn to look back and we can say:
I have suffered often
I was wrong sometimes, but I have loved.
It was me who lived,
not the dummy created by my pride and my boredom.

Alfred de Musset

Kink is so much fun, especially bondage.  You all know how much I love bondage.  Being restrained is so hot, but you need to know that someone is coming to free you and play with you eventually.  This is your warning…  Play safe.  Don’t let this happen to you, because you usually won’t want to play very much after sitting chained to a chair for however many hours…  Unless you’re really into it.

Hello!  I wanted to share a few more things about me than just what I have so far.  Just some categories of things I love and believe.

For music, I love bands and artists like Radiohead, Any EBM music, Project Pitchfork, Combichrist, Tactical Sekt, Massive Attack, Portishead, NIN, She Wants Revenge, Infected Mushroom, Juno Reactor, Opeth, Patrick Watson, Blonde Redhead, Smashing Pumpkins, Tool, Under Byen, Mogwai, Mono, Sigur Ros and Mum.

Movies I like are Into the Wild, Motorcycle Diaries, American Beauty, Twilight, Garden State, Romeo and Juliet, Children of Men, The Perfume, Lord of the Rings trilogy, The Labyrinth, The Fountain, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and Celestine Prophecy.

The books I like are mostly in French, but I wanted to include them anyways: L’ange ecarlate trilogy, Papillon des etoiles, Echec amoureux et autre niaiseries, Comment devenir un ange, Crepuscule des elfes, La nuit des elfes, L’heure des elfes and The Ethical Slut.  So, a lot of fantasy and then some more practical sexuality based information.

Did I mention that I also like playing video games sometimes?  I love Red Alert, Star Craft, Final Fantasy X, Spore and any car racing games.

And lastly, just a biggggg list of things I love:

Music, arts, make up, tattoos,tea, raw vegan food, plants and flowers, dancing all night, humming birds, cats and kittens, being lazy, butterflies, nail color, Hello Kitty, incense, fantasy movies, shopping, vampires, gothic stuff, BDSM, dreaming, taking pictures, modeling, day dreaming, smiles, biting, kisses and hugs, when my degu whoops at me, babies, sunny days, dreaming, creativity, reading, reading blogs, watching Lost, yoga, erotica, looking and people on the bus and wondering about their lives, beauty/fashion magazines and spirituality.

Hopefully that clears up more about the mystery that is Lily.  ^^

When it hits you, right on your chest, you start believing it. Only there, in the present moment. And what to do? Oh, that I can’t tell. It is so different each time, for each person. But in my case, it looks like something I’ve seen before. And trying to fight against it is not even a possibility. I am getting there. And nothing will change that. It is something I know, something I have experienced before, but this time, it is somewhat different. The feeling is different, my way of accepting it is different. Still it is the same emotion.

And that make me ask myself: what’s next? How will I deal with it again? Do I really want it or not?

First answer: It is not important to know that. It will come in time.
Second answer: Day by day, step by step.
Third answer: Yes I want it. I don’t know for sure where it will lead me, but that is the nice thing with that.

Today I felt a void.

Void.

Space.

Void is space for something new to come.

Warm.

Hot.

Warm is the first step before hot.

Open.

Soul.

Open my soul to something new is what I need to do.

Space.

Respect.

Are two keys to reach it.

Fear.

Is not even an option.

Trust.

Is what I expect from you.

Nothing more, nothing less. Be yourself. Be true.

You all know how much I love the amazing kinky feminist porn star/director Madison Young, and today I wanted to share an interview she did recently.  It’s from a site called MailFemale, which is a Dutch sex toy store with a lot of interesting interviews with other feminist porn people.  I couldn’t find how to embed the video, so check out the link here.  She talks all about why she does porn, how she connects sex with art and how she includes kink in her life.  She’s an absolute dream, isn’t she?  She’s my main inspiration for iSpankMyself.

Lately I’ve been playing around with wildness.  A lot of it comes out in my hair, but even more of it comes out in the way I relate to the world.  I’m trying to be less governed by rules.  I’m already a domme and a porn performer, so I buck conventions in a lot of was.  But this is just about following all my instincts.

I feel that my instincts are telling me so much every day.  When to sleep, when to eat, where to wander…  It’s all in me, I just need to listen.  So I’m getting back to my nature, becoming my inner animal and it feels really good.  With the last few days of nice weather before a long Montreal winter, I’m going to head out and enjoy my beautiful city.  Today I encourage you all to follow your instincts a little bit closer and getting back to your wildness.